Success from Failure?

If I didn't make mistakes, how would I learn? I wouldn't succeed. I wouldn't be able to make a decision any wiser than the last.  Thomas Edison said:

  "Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work."

How did he get there? By trying. Rather than thinking about it as failure, think of it as figuring out what doesn't work. And once he figured out what did work, he succeeded! I can't focus on what doesn't work. Rather, I must move forward, remembering what I learned from the last try, and apply a different method of  handling the situation. Successes only come with failures, and failures come from trying. Trying is the first step. 

Relationship

My life is not what it was.

There's something missing in my life, and that's a deeper relationship with Him. My weak heart struggles with faithfulness. My soul longs for what only He can give. My flesh lusts for what is mortal. My desires are in quicksand between what is eternal and what is temporary. My selfishness ruins me. My thoughts lead me astray. I have dug myself deeper into a ravine of pity and self-deprivation. 

I am lost but for the sake of Christ. He alone can save me. His mercy and grace are sweet like honey. His justice is right and true. 

Lead me in the way, Father. Teach me Your truth. Satisfy my deepest longing. Quench my burning desires for what is temporal. Be my sword and shield. Bring me out of the depths of my self-pity. My Savior, my God. King and Ruler of all. Amen.

Enough

All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with Your love. And all I have in You is more than enough. - worship leader Chris Tomlin

A beggar, who hasn't had a meal in 2 days, is given a full plate of food, he will most likely savor every bite. He has all the time in the world, plus he may not get another meal like this in a while. A rich man, when given a full plate of food, will scarf it down quickly so he can move on to his next event of the day. He rushes through life, believing that his next meal will be on the table when he sits down.

But what happens when the rich man loses all he has and becomes like the poor man? It doesn't always happen that way, but many times the rich become bankrupt, and therefore poor, losing everything they have. They invest their lives into what is on the earth. The poor man has nothing to invest in, but seeks with everything he has until he finds what he needs for the day. And he doesn't always get it. So he tries again the next day. And the next. And the next. And he keeps on trying until he gets it. And whatever he gets is enough.

God is teaching me to be like the poor man. He is teaching me to search with every ounce of my being to find what I need for the day. Will I always find it? No. But God will give me what I seek in His own good time, no matter His answer. He is teaching me that He is more than enough. And enough in His terms may very well mean that I may never be in a relationship. Very well could. But it doesn't mean that I won't. Not unless He doesn't want me to. I must seek first His kingdom, and everything else will be added, if it's in His will. It hurts sometimes. It was nice having that human touch, someone that I could lean on and love. And I still love him. But it's not meant. Not now. Maybe not ever. But as hard as it is to say it, I can wait.

Because He is enough for me.

Missing the mark?

I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but...I'm really bad at reading people. I'm especially bad at reading guys. I live in the age of sex is all there is to it, but I want the age of romance. But when the guy that I'm interested in talks about finding the one who completes him, I get the idea that he's still looking, and hasn't found her yet. Which would either leave me out of the picture or else he hasn't figured it out yet. Am I jumping to conclusions? I tend to do that sometimes...er, rather, often. I'm still working on the patience issue. I'm just afraid that I'll miss the boat. The comfort for me would be that if I miss the boat, but know I wasn't to be on it anyhow, then it would be ok...

Figuring it out...

So I was thinking, and that can be a scary notion...Anyhow, I've been trying to figure out what exactly I want to do in life, what I want to accomplish, what's important, etc. I majored in graphic design for 2 years, and want to get a photographer's degree. I also want to finish my Bible major. But the fact is, I don't want to be in school for the next 6 years. It would tie me down, and I don't want that. It's not THAT important to me. Sure, getting a degree would be nice, but unless I'm going to use it for ministry, I really don't want it that bad. I know, I know...finish now or you'll regret it later. Well, what I've concluded is that I want to finish the Bible degree and get a 2 year photography degree. I don't want to finish my graphic design major. I've learned what I want, except for Publisher, and I know enough in order to do what I want, and that's freelance. I don't really have a burning desire to work for some marketing agency for the next 30 years. I'd rather have my hands free to raise a family, help people out on a more personal level. It's not about getting to the top - it's about making a difference. That's what's important to me. So will I regret not getting my graphic design degree? Probably. Most likely. But I would regret even more that I did not take more time helping people and being a ready available wife and mother (if that's God's will for me). I don't want to miss out on that.

Huh??

When an opportunity arises for something beneficial, why would the door get shut? Twice, within a week's time, I received opportunities for jobs in marketing firms where the positions applied for were at entry level. And twice I didn't get the job. Why? I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I just don't get it. Maybe I'm not ambitious enough. Maybe I don't have high enough expectations of myself. Maybe my goals are not what they wanted. I don't know.
But I do know this: If God wanted me to have the job, He would have given it to me. Plain and simple. Clearly, He didn't. And I'm OK with that. Really. He provided me this job at Bath & Body Works, and I will work it to the best of my ability. I think I realized that He's giving me a better opportunity to take classes while I work. I could do that just as well with an office job at a marketing firm, but I also wanted to keep working at B&BW. So that would have been way too much going on, and too little time for anything else. At least now I can take a class and have time to study, too...brilliant, 'eh? Yeah, I thought so. :-)
Anyways, I guess my point is that I'm finally seeing things. It's finally making sense. God is working, He's being patient with me, and continually teaching me things that I keep forgetting or ignoring...He's so good! He wants more of my time, and that's just fine with me. He's providing for me, and I can give back to Him. He's also allowing me more time with someone that may be of permanence... I can handle that. :-)

Slow down...slow dance

Please slow this down, I want to figure it out...
Please slow down, so I know what to do...
Please slow down, I want to know you...
Please slow down...

And join me in this
Slow dance,
The slow dance of life...
We don't have much time,
But we need to make the most of it.
Slow dance,
The slow dance of life.
Dance with me.

I've waited my whole life for this,
So I don't want to miss out on anything.
I need to see if you're for real,
I need to see if you want the same thing.

Because we don't know what tomorrow will bring,
We have no guarantees.
So let's walk right through the opening
And see what lies on the other side.

Join me in this
Slow dance,
The slow dance of life...
We don't have much time,
But we need to make the most of it.
Slow dance,
The slow dance of life.
Dance with me.

Slow down,
And slow dance.

~Amy~